Marg McAlister

If there's one thing your reader will hate, it's being patronized. They don't like it when you repeat things to make sure they 'get it'. They don't like it when you pepper your text with italics to make sure they know something is important. And they hate it when the moral of a story is spelled out in painstaking detail.

In fact, your reader will not like too much of anything. Let's take a look at all the writing bloopers that can fall under the mantle of 'too much'.

1. Too Much Repetition

Sometimes this is accidental; sometimes it is a case of the author believing that the reader will miss something important if they don't repeat it ten times. Go back to our first 'self editing' article (Tipsheet #76) to see how you can use colour coding to eliminate repetitive sentence beginnings or over-use of a character's name. Apart from that, check carefully when you are editing your work to make sure that you don't have repetitive actions, either. I've read stories in which one character after another sighs before they speak. ("I don't know." She sighed. "What do you think?" Marty looked at her doubtfully. "It's a real problem," he admitted, sighing. "Perhaps we should ask Terry.") This is nothing more than lazy editing. Not many authors would deliberately put two similar reactions so close together. If you don't trust your own ability to pick up these things, co-opt a friend or another writer to help you proof-read.

Look for repetition of the following things: Sentence beginnings, description of setting, the viewpoint character's name, speech tags (other than 'said'), actions and thoughts.

2. Too Much Emphasis

(a) Italics. Your rule of thumb is "Use italics sparingly". Never write a whole slab of text in italics. Most people find long stretches of italics annoying to read. If you want to (for example) quote a letter or a diary, then indent it instead of using italics.

When you're showing a character's thoughts, use italics only to show *important* thoughts - that is, to show a sudden insight, a revelation, a shocked thought. The rest of the time, just 'tap into' the character's thoughts while writing in the past tense narrative. If you're using viewpoint correctly, the reader will understand that they are privy to the character's thoughts. (For a more detailed treatment of what to do or not to do with italics, see tipsheets #20 and #21 - "Italics 101" Parts 1 and 2.)

(b) Exclamation marks. Use these even more sparingly than italics. Your character's words and actions should be enough to show emphasis without using exclamation marks. In fact, use these only for an actual exclamation in dialogue - e.g. "Stop!" he yelled. A scene with too many exclamation marks usually has the effect of making a character sound somewhat hysterical.

(c) The dreaded adverb: "ly" words. If you use too many 'ly' words (she shouted angrily; he said thoughtfully; she admitted cheerfully etc) you are probably guilty of doing too much telling and not enough showing. Check your work for adverbs and if you find too many, experiment with other ways to SHOW that your character is angry, or thoughtful, or cheerful...

3. Too Much Explanation

Never forget that all readers bring a lifetime of experiences with them every time they open a new book. They have seen wildlife and foreign settings on television; they have experienced loss and joy in their own lives; they know what it feels like to fail and to succeed. An excellent saying to keep in mind is "One is a million". In other words, most of the time you don't need to give two or three examples of what you mean to have the reader 'get it' - you require just one powerful image. Readers immediately tap into their own store of knowledge to summon up the appropriate feelings, visions and situations. Explain too much, and your reader will start by being vaguely irritated (and skip the page) and end by discarding the book.

4. Too Much Waffle

Never, never, never 'pad' a book by filling it with waffle. If you need to make a story longer, then create a new plot twist, a new character, or a new problem to overcome. Don't fill up the space with 'clever' dialogue or a character musing over the fate of the world. Just as we don't like it when we're trapped in a corner at a party with a bore who burbles on about anything and everything, we don't like being trapped with a character who waffles. Sometimes it's hard to escape the bore at the party, but it's easy to escape the character. That's right: we just ditch the book.

5. Too Much Backstory

Even if you think it's essential to feed in details about your character's past, you do NOT have to do it all upfront. Countless stories have been rejected by editors because of a slow-paced beginning - and most often, that slow pacing is because of too much backstory. Tell readers only what is essential to get the story rolling, and feed the rest in as the plot unfolds. You're more likely to gain readers than lose them if you keep something back. Your readers' curiosity will ensure they keep turning pages.

6. Too Much Description

Who cares what the sunset looks like when there's a killer on your tail? Who cares about the beauty of the countryside when you're in danger of losing everything you hold dear?

The main thing you need to remember is how YOU take in information about your surroundings. If it's everyday to you, you tend not to notice it at all - unless something's out of place, so a wrong note is sounded. If you're happy, the world looks great and you have more tolerance for everyone. If you're sad or depressed, you could have the most beautiful summer's day in your whole life and you wouldn't notice it.

The setting should always be presented according to your character's mood and circumstances. Everything should be filtered through the character.

(For more information, do a search for "How to Filter Description Through Your Characters.")

7. Too Much Agonising

Yes, it's important that your characters show emotion - but puh-lease, don't bore your reader by having your bleeding heart heroine emote about everything. Be subtle. The same thing goes for male characters, of course. Show your character's despair by having him yell at his innocent, adored daughter and then instantly regret it when he sees the look on his child's face - rather than by having him rant and rave for pages or agonise at length about the unfairness of life and how he'll get his revenge.

Avoid at all costs the downtrodden heroine who is unfairly treated by one person after another and keeps bewailing her lot, while she waits to be rescued. Make your lead characters proactive - sure, show that they are hurt by circumstances and by the problems that beset them, but don't let them go for too long before devising a plan to get themselves out of trouble.

8. Too Much Moralising

Why is it that some authors feel that it's their job to save the world? There's nothing wrong with trying to make the world a better place by exploring the human condition in your book - but do resist the impulse to point out the moral of the story. If you're a good enough writer, the moral will be obvious - readers will absorb it as they turn the pages. If you don't think that readers will 'get it' if you don't hit them over the head with the lesson, you have some work to do on your technique.

9. Too Much Crudity

Should your characters swear? Should they be crude and violent, or will this turn readers off? What if the antagonist is a nasty, aggressive person who *would* behave and speak in an anti-social way? You can't 'pretty it up' for the reader without losing credibility, surely?

This is a real test of your writing skill. You will probably have be faithful to the way your character speaks and behaves to a certain degree - but you don't have to belabour the point. Think about how you can show a character's personality and attitude without filling the page with profanity and crudity. Usually, a little goes a long way. One way out is to show the viewpoint character's reaction or thoughts - for example: "Mel felt her pulse rate rise as Beaton described in lascivious detail what he thought women should be used for. She stole a covert glance at David to see how he was reacting, and knew instantly that if Beaton didn't shut up soon, he was going to be sorry."

10. Too Much Convenience

We all know that it's a no-no to finish a story by having the cavalry ride in to the rescue. Why? It's just too convenient, that's why.

Apply that same reasoning to other 'convenient' events. Coincidence is good in real life, but not so good in fiction. To a reader, it almost always smacks of laziness. (Editors generally aren't too impressed, either.) Here are a few 'convenient' situations that you need to avoid:

• The Internet site that gives your characters exactly the information they needed the first time they type in a search term. (At least make them search for it, or have to wait for an email back from someone!)

• The convenient car accident that wipes out one or more characters. (This is okay if it's been engineered by the bad guy - then it's murder, not an accident.)

• The neighbour who remembers seeing a strange car outside the house of the victim - even down to the colour, make and plates.

• The heroine who knows exactly how to decode a strange saying (because she saw a TV program on it just last week) or the hero who knocks out three bad guys with some deft martial arts moves (he used to be a black belt many years ago...) If you give a character special skills or knowledge, make sure that you foreshadow it well before it's needed.

There are too many 'convenient' situations to list here. Your job is to ask yourself one question when you have your characters find out some information or find a way to get out of a sticky situation: "Is this too convenient?" If the answer's yes, keep plotting!