Jenny Mounfield and Gail Breese

This is a fun quiz designed to identify the type of muse you have.

While there are many different muses, far too many to name, there are four predominant types: Arty Farty, Gormless, Grunger and Bossy. Answer these questions to meet your muse...

Q1: The theatre lights have dimmed and you've just got comfy with your bucket of popcorn and jumbo Coke.  As the movie begins you have a sudden flash of inspiration. You don't have a pen and paper. What do you do?

a) Turn your idea into a little rhyme so you won't forget it and enjoy the movie.

b) Ask a nearby moviegoer if he or she has a pen handy and scribble your idea on the side of your popcorn bucket (then accidentally throw it away later).

c) Immediately ring a friend and rattle off the entire plot, including several sub plots, while he or she takes notes.

d) Forget the movie and run all the way home. You're an artiste. Your writing always comes first.

e) None of the above.

 
Q 2:  You've reached a crucial point in your novel and you can't afford to stop for anything in case you    lose momentum.  A friend calls with two invitations to your favourite author's private book launch. Do you go?
 
a) It might be interesting since your favourite author is dead.

b) Absolutely. But an hour later you've lost the piece of paper you scribbled the address on and your friend has left for the launch.

c) You have every intention of going, but while taking a shower, you're inspired to start work on a blockbuster trilogy and forget all about the book launch.

d) No way. You have far too much work to do.

e) None of the above.

Q 3: Which of the following appeals to you more:

a) Being remembered in one hundred years as the master / mistress of your chosen genre.

b) To achieve a goal - any goal. (Actually finishing a manuscript would be nice)

c) Being the successful author of a series - complete with cult following.

d) To be hailed as the most prolific writer of your time.

e) None of the above.

Q 4:  In your opinion who is the greatest writer of all time? 

a) Hemingway.

b) The guy who writes 'The Simpsons' scripts.

c) All the authors whose books you've read without falling asleep.

d) JK Rowling - just look at her bank account.

e) None of the above.

 
Q 5:  What is your idea of having a good time?

a) Spending an afternoon in a rustic cafe listening to poetry readings and sipping lattes.

b) Partying!

c) Snoozing by the pool with plenty of food and cold drinks on tap.

d) Completing fifty thousand words of your manuscript in one sitting.

e) None of the above.

Q 6:  Your work area is:

a) Well organised with rows of shelving containing copies of all the classics and the latest reference materials.

b) A mess! One day you'll get organised, but you don't know where to start.

c) It can be tidy for weeks on end (while you're working through writers' block), but when inspiration strikes, the paper flies.

d) Organised chaos. Yo have wall to wall corkboards filled with timelines, maps and character descriptions. Dozens of shelves or pigeon holes hold everything from last week's lunch to this week's 'to do' list.

e) None of the above.

Q 7:  What do you believe is mankind's greatest invention?

a) Book binding.

b) Post-it-Notes.

c) Indoor plumbing.

d) The computer.

e) None of the above.

Q 8:  You bump into Stephen King in the freezer section of your local supermarket. Do you say:

a) 'You wouldn't happen to know where they keep the smoked salmon by any chance?'

b) Hey, you're that guy, what's-his-name, who wrote thingamybob, aren't you?

c) I've just had the greatest idea for a story. Can I run it by you?

d) How many copies of Duma Key have you sold so far? And what does that add up to in dollars and cents?

e) None of the above.

Q 9:   What do you think is the best way to find success as a writer?

a) Come up with something exciting, original and very, very literary. Shock their socks off.

b) Model your stories on whatever's selling and ride the wave.

c) Wait patiently for the next really BIG idea and hit and run with it.

d) Write until your fingers bleed. There are no shortcuts.

e) None of the above.

Q10:  How many manuscripts have you completed?

a) You're still working on the first - you can't rush a masterpiece.

b) Completed? What's that?

c) A couple.

d) Dozens. You manage one every few months.

e) None of the above.

 _____________________

Scoring:

Mostly As - Arty Farty is your muse.

Mostly Bs - Say a big hello to Gormless.

Mostly Cs - He might be grotty, but he's not all bad. Meet Grunger.

Mostly Ds - Hope your health insurance is paid up. Bossy is your muse.

Mostly  Es - Your muse is a rare breed indeed: one of the many yet to be catalogued.

Half and half or mixed - Two muses (or more) are vying for your attention.  This can be very confusing, and if you find you're depending on medication or alcohol to get by, you need to make a choice. Decide which muse you feel most comfortable with and tell the others to buzz off.

___________________________
 
MUSE PROFILES

ARTY FARTY MUSE: Feminine, ethereal, graceful and traditional all describe Arty Farty. She admires the literary greats, yet she also strives to be the forerunner of a revolutionary new writing style. This causes much confusion and conflict in the writers she chooses. They are torn between the 'tried and true' and an overwhelming desire to 'break out'.  The ideas Arty delivers to her writers are often cryptic and full of emotion. She adores poetic prose. If you've ever written anything like: 'Her face was more radiant than the sun', you are under the spell of Arty Farty.
 
GORMLESS: This poor fellow is a bit dull and can't quite get it together. However he isn't short on imagination.  Gormless showers his writers with story ideas, but they're all incomplete fragments and rarely result in a finished product. If you have dozens of sketchy plots, characters and story titles cluttering your corkboard or computer files, then Gormless is your muse. 

GRUNGER: Physically repellent, this muse can often be found in a sewer or other dark, damp place. He is essentially a lazy individual, though he has a tendency to come out of hiding when his writers least expect it and hit them with the most incredible, often fully formed stories. As these events are spasmodic, to say the least, he can never be counted on to meet a pressing deadline.  Depending on the extent of his laziness, it can be a long time between drinks, so to speak.  If you've ever been struck by a bolt of sheer brilliance while on the toilet, in the shower, or anywhere near a drain, chances are that Grunger is your muse.
 
BOSSY: As her name implies, she's bloody bossy! She demands success no matter what, even at the expense of her writers' health and sanity.  Bossy can be miserly and often won't give her writers more than a couple of storylines at any one time. She is a control freak and will hound writers day and night until they've churned out nothing less than a masterpiece.   And then she'll immediately demand another.  Her writers are often tired, stressed and obsessed with their work to the point where everything else in their lives is a meaningless distraction. If you've ever woken in the early hours, slouched over your keyboard then Bossy is in charge!

______________________________
 

Jenny Mounfield has written three books. Her third novel, The Ice-cream Man has just been published by Ford Street Publishing: www.fordstreetpublishing.com . Jenny lives in south-east Queensland, Australia, and has been writing for 8 years. Her fiction crosses all genres.

Gail Breese spends a lot of her time in her fabulous studio writing stories, illustrating, designing, creating websites, designing, dressmaking, creating soft toys and other crafty pursuits, trying to play the guitar, listening to loud music on the stereo and having a ball! You will find Gail's column on creating a writer's website on this site.