June Whyte

When writing a traditional cosy mystery, how many cats are too many?  And is it okay if the leading feline talks, thinks aloud, and does everything but walk on two legs?

I adore cosies but the moment an animal converses with its owner in an adult book my believability radar crashes to sub-zero.  Of course human characters talk to their animals - isn't that exactly what every pet owner does?  But when a cat or dog or pet budgie is the investigating sleuth, trails suspects, informs his 'human' where to find the murder weapon or why the killer can't be Suspect No. 3 - I immediately reach for the next book on my to-be-read pile. 

So, if your amateur detective isn't soft and furry or loud-mouthed and feathery, what other options do we have?  Of course there's always Miss Marple - but unfortunately she's already been taken.  So, what about a younger, more modern protagonist? 

Let's create a pretty, twenty-something, shopaholic called Stella, who works in a gated retirement village as their personal shopper.  After a fashion parade she's organized for her elderly clients a dead model is found languishing in the fitting room. And when her memory-challenged Great Aunt Mary is accused of the murder because she's wearing the dead model's shiny red strappy Gucci shoes, our young protagonist decides to do some snooping of her own and track down the real killer.

Or what about Maggie, a show-dog-obsessed mother of three in her late forties, who discovers an unpopular male judge in the Royal Show dog-pavilion with his head caved in?  Maggie's best friend was heard to say she'd flatten the creep when he put her gorgeous poodle, Francois, on the end of the line and presented his current bit-on-the-side, Sue-Anne Cumuppence's ratty poodle, Sylvester, with the title of Best in Show.  Now our sleuth has to prove her friend's innocence by questioning five likely suspects, run her dog-grooming business, keep her policeman husband out of the mix, sort through her teenage children's relationship disasters - all while dealing with the sweaty ravages of embarrassingly frequent hot flushes.

Over the years, the traditional cosy or 'puzzle mystery' has stretched the boundaries to encompass the lifestyle of our modern day readers, but to define cosy as a subgenre of the mystery genre there are definite rules to abide by.  Not because editors want to hamstring your creativity but because when a devoted cosy reader walks into a bookshop this is what she's looking for:

(a) Violence is usually subdued and the murder committed off the page.  If our villain does away with our victim on the page it's usually quick without any gory detail.  Mostly, though, the only time the reader sees the victim is when the body is discovered.  Here's an excerpt from one of my own mysteries.  It's where the protagonist and her side-kick discover the first of a series of dead bodies:

Annie followed the direction of Peta's pointing finger and immediately the room spun.  For there in the bath lay the owner of the house.  And by the look of his marble white face and the color and crinkly texture of his skin, he'd been immersed in the bath water for hours. 

However, this was no ordinary soak in the tub. 

The bath water was blood red, his throat gaped open in a parody of a smile and Annie knew, without going any closer, that Jack Lantana would never steal another dog.

No detailed description of the dead body.  Merely the words ...his throat gaped open in a parody of a smile... 

Of course this wouldn't cut it if you were writing a thriller, but cosy readers aren't looking for edge-of-the seat terror.  Their idea of a good read is to curl up in a comfortable chair with a book, a cup of tea and a plate of chocolate biscuits, and enjoy the puzzle without the nightmare.

(b) Relationships and love stories are encouraged but please, no sex in a cosy unless it takes place behind the bedroom door.  Maybe a kiss and cuddle but no head-banging, orgasmic, no-holds barred, graphic sex.  So, writers/readers of erotica definitely need to look elsewhere. 

(c) No swearing or four-letter words.  Oh my God or Geez or colourful language is fine in dialogue - but watch the foul-o-meter when your characters get annoyed.

(d) A cosy is set in a small geographical area.  A universe that makes cosy readers comfortable.  Like a small country town with all its quirky characters, from the tractor-driving mayor to the Shakespeare quoting town drunk, a members-only golf club with behind the scenes warring competitiveness, a reunion at a guest house where a murder occurs and the house is cut off from the rest of the world by flood or storm or snow.  Of course this means there'll be a choice lot of suspects to choose from - all with secrets and lies to keep the reader from guessing whodunit until the last chapter.  But remember...you can't always blame the butler!

Now, what about the murder weapon?  Whatever weapon you decide on has to be appropriate for a cosy and available to all your suspects.  No good having a 50pound bag of cement as the murder weapon in an aged-care facility when 99% of the suspects are in their eighties and have trouble balancing their walker while lifting a cup of tea.  And you don't want the victim killed with a karate chop when ten mystery writers from an elite Melbourne suburb meet for a two-day conference in a cabin in the outback and wouldn't know a karate chop from a pork chop. 

A popular murder weapon in cosies is POISON.  My tip for this one is research, research, research.  Don't have the victim clutch his throat, turn an interesting shade of turquoise, say "Argh! Argh!" and drop to the floor, stone cold dead, when the poison slipped into his  morning Weeties normally takes several doses to even make the victim ill.  I'll say it again...research your poison of choice.  Google it.  Read about it at the library.  Even talk to a chemist if you don't mind a visit from the local constabulary afterwards.  In fact, do everything except actually buy and sample your choice of poison because dosages can vary, exotic poisons can be difficult to procure, they don't always work and the Big One - most poisons taste disgusting.  Instead of sculling that glass of white wine your victim is more likely to spit it all over the carpet.  

Finally, do you have a hobby or business you can incorporate into your cosy mystery?  If so, follow the trend.  Give your protagonist a hobby.  A flower shop proprietor has her own mystery series.  So does a sleuthing hair-dresser, a young travel escort who takes members of a senior travel club on global excursions and a master chef who invariably finds a dead body face-first in the soup or the wedding cake she's slaved over for days.  The idea is to let your amateur sleuth have a hobby or business or consultancy that you yourself are interested in or are prepared to research. 

At the moment, I'm writing a cosy mystery set in and around a newly opened greyhound track in the fictional outback town of Kangaroo Downs.  My two amateur sleuths (they take turns with POV for each chapter) are a greyhound vet who's currently separated from her panty-collecting, can't-keep-it-inside-his-trousers, husband and an ex-policewoman who vomits and almost passes out at crime scenes.  

Maybe they'll open one of the starting-boxes at the Kangaroo Downs greyhound track and discover a dead body stuffed inside...

© June Whyte 2009